Questions

May 28, 2019

It's time to revisit this experience. I've lost sight of the purpose of this application over the past couple/few years. I don't know what it's for and I don't know what I want to do with it. The purpose behind it is beautiful: to activate others in the same way I've been activated by following through on my dreams. But I've been lost when thinking about the magnitude of what it means to get this app moving forward. Just getting the tech to where I want it to be is a tremendous undertaking. Then there's the utility, the upkeep, the publicizing, the....so much.

But maybe I'm wanting too much of this app too soon. When I recall that 1) it's beautiful for my own purposes and for my own development and 2) just even getting a single person to gain utility from it being the accomplishment of my mission, I remember that it's not about the destination and there's beauty in this in each small step.

I think part of the difficulty I'm facing as of late is not knowing what I want my life to look like; not knowing how this app fits into it. I know I've created this app as a response to directly experiencing the power and sacredness/clarity that follows from fulfilling the experiences this app tries encouraging others and myself to fulfill. I know that I feel drawn to providing the same opportunities for others and this app is an attempt to allow for that.

But I'm pummeled by the thoughts of inadequacy along the way. The functionality of this site isn't sufficient to be useful enough. The user interface isn't intuitive enough to assist people. There's too much half-baked functionality that only partially works. I'm not doing anything new enough to serve the needs of others.

I can always think through more features I could build, but wonder if that's just a ruse. I haven't made the core functionality truly bulletproof enough, especially given the benefaction campaign features I've been building for a while now. Could that be the magic feature that makes this thing grant the power to others to create the life they feel compelled towards? Or is that just a half-baked crowdfunding replica with a less intuitive mechanism for getting the funds people need?

I don't have the answers. It's hard when working on something like this on my own since there are few others to help me through the times where I lose sight of the beauty of the original mission. But then again, I have nobody else to be accountable to so the choices are easier to follow through on when they're made.

Writing this does help a bit. Just being reminded that I like the functionality for my own purposes is immense. Considering the slight possibility that someone else might also draw power from it is a warm thought, but perhaps one that I don't need to place too much pressure upon. Maybe at some point in the future I'll place more dedicated resources behind it. But until then, I'll do my best to keep the original intention in mind and always remember that it's not about the destination. I can't even picture one anyways :)

from experience Develop this Website


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"It always seems impossible until it's done."
Nelson Mandela